my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Did I show you my penis last night?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize