hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
