You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
