Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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