your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
