Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
