Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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