just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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