somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize