you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
