first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
