So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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