I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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