sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
