Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
