I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
