dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
as a side note pls kill me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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