I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
