I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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