i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
