After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
