your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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