fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
