I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
