Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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