dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
