Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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