Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
