I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
His nipple licking is glorious
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