Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
