i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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