a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
