Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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