If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
