my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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