You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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