So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
