I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
