I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
