I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize