Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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