i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
