Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
