It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
