if you like me you must not know who I am
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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