I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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