He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
