Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
