i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
