drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
