So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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