Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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