WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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