And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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