Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
