Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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