Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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