see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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