i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
