Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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