I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
