it's not cheating when I paid for it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
