Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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