I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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