Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
